There was an ad somewhere on the Internet, it saw me coming and took up residence on my screen. “A 33-day cruise in the South Pacific for $3,250,” it said. A month in the South Pacific! Polynesian girls delivering umbrella drinks on sandy beaches! Sign me up!

Only a fool is captivated by the initial price of a cruise (guilty as charged). You must upgrade the cabin (gotta have a balcony). Tip the crew (guilt is a terrible thing). Sign up for WiFi (thirty-three days in the digital dark—I don’t think so). And, of course, the Premier Beverage Package (only the top-shelf, fancy bottles will do). Steward! Another Beluga martini! Make it a double!

With that, we hope you’ll join us as we cruise to Kauai, Honolulu, Pago Pago, Samoa, Fiji, and Tahiti, crossing both the International Date Line (twice) and the Equator (also twice). Click “Subscribe” at the top of our home page and you’ll get a minimally-intrusive email every time we update the blog.

We depart October 30.

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