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The Grand Princess off the coast of Croatia

We are aboard the Grand Princess! This is the oldest ship in the fleet, and back when it was launched in 1998 it was the fastest and the biggest Princess. Now it’s the smallest, which you’d never know if you were doing 3300 steps per day just getting from the putting green to the spa and back to the stateroom. It’s quite beautiful with its wooden moldings and pretty lattices. It doesn’t look the least bit like Donald Trump’s gilded rococo apartment, as some newer ships do.

Retro images from the Leaves Tea Library, including the apothecary-style drawers once offering tea for weary travelers.

But the Grand Princess has something nontraditional. Instead of the usual plastic credit card-like thing that identifies you to the crew, we have a medallion, the size of a quarter, that you wear in a watch-like gizmo on your wrist or hung from your neck. Approach your stateroom door, and the screen adjacent says “Welcome, Louise!” and then unlocks it. Order a drink, and the waiter scans your medallion. Anything you need to buy the medallion pays for.

But that’s not the best trick. The best trick is that it knows where you are! In combination with the Princess app on your phone, you can locate any shipmate, including your own partner, who may have wandered off. This is valuable. We breakfasted with a woman who couldn’t find her husband. She had texted him, even called him, and was afraid he was dead. Tom showed her how to work the locator, and we found him in the very same dining room, but on the other side.

Screen shot from Tom’s phone running the Princess app. Tom is the red dot. Louise’s location is identified by her picture. She’s shopping, of course.

But wait, there’s more! Via this miracle app, you can get stuff brought to you anywhere on the ship. If you’re by the pool and you want a Coke and a burger or a rare tequila or an exotic frozen cocktail, you just tap in an order and the waiter will find you. We tested this out this afternoon over a game of gin by the pool, and sure enough, along came a waiter with two drinks on a tiny tray.

Of course, this is a little uncomfortable, potentially. It may seem a bit like…spying. But it’s good to know where we are on the ship because we have no idea where we are in the Pacific. There is no land in view. We are in a large blue pond, 59 million square miles worth. Look out the window, walk the deck, and it’s the same. Being so far from the anxieties of civilized life on land we are edging into serenity, and feeling thoroughly … Pacific.

Tom and the Deep Blue Sea

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