The hematoma didn’t dissolve. Msrs. Black and Decker were summoned. McDreamy approached the project with the enthusiasm of Bob the Builder fresh from a clearance sale at Lowe’s. The incision exceeds two feet in length; there are forty-one staples. Half of my skull was removed. It’s a good thing chain saws weren’t on sale.

Alas, as you can see from the self-portrait above, I’m requiring you to witness the carnage . If your stomach is queasy, my apologies for the presumption.

McDreamy says I will recover; that mine was a simple procedure in spite of its appearance; and that the hematoma is gone. The culprit, it seems, was medication that was prescribed following last summer’s heart attack. (I’ve had many of those; my cardiologist’s number is on speed dial.)

My head is shaved, perforated, and inelegantly stapled. I look like a poster child for a children’s cancer charity. Thus, there will be many hats. I have even learned how to tie a do-rag. I now belong to that most exclusive of clubs: men who can tie either a do-rag or a bow-tie from raw fabric.

The line forms at the door, ladies.